Relationship
Advice.
Be
Appreciative.
Sadly, the
MAIN cause for relationship breakdown is when
one of the partners does not feel appreciated.
It is not financial hardship.
It is not the lack of sexual gratification.
It is not poor working conditions.
It is not the lack of adequate shelter.
It is the lack of appreciation.
A man can go to work and care
and tend for his family as he would a rose garden. He can earn and pay for
all the nourishment the family needs. He can supply his family with adequate
shelter and give all the little luxuries of modern living, but if he doesn't
express his appreciation of his mate, the relationship is likely to
sour.
So too it is for friendships,
your work environment or social outlet.
If you are giving your best at
work but your boss doesn't afford you any due recognition, your work ethics
will soon diminish. No matter who you are, you crave to feel
appreciated.
One of our greatest emotional
needs is the need to feel appreciated and when that need is not being met,
a great internal struggle begins between your emotional and mental frameworks
which results in stress. This can build to the stage where your marriage,
friendship or workplace relationships can completely breakdown and you begin
to look at other environments to satisfy your needs.
Appreciation is cheap to give.
Just a word at the right time can keep your relationships sailing
smoothly.
Tell your mate how much you appreciate
them on a regular basis. Be sincere and honest. They won't fall for flattery
yet they crave for true appreciation.
A simply thank you is a good beginning
on the road to becoming appreciative.
Say it to someone everyday.
Developing Trust.
In any interpersonal relationship,
trust is an essential element. Whether it may be husband/wife, friend, relation
or parent, we need to know that we can rely on the other person.
Trust stems from keeping our word.
If we say we will be there for the other person, then we should be there.
It comes from being dependable, from being open and honest and not hiding
things.
Trusting another person, earning
and holding the trust of another, is basic to any interpersonal relationship,
because without trust there is only doubt and other associated negative thoughts
and feelings.
Develop a trusting relationship.
Be there when you say you will. Be where you say you will. Be open, honest
and frank. Become predictable and your relationships will prosper.
Reducing
relationship stress.
Communication is one of our most
common activities, and yet, it is one which we pay the least attention to.
The lack of effective communication is one of the most common and accepted
causes of stress, especially in relationships, as it results in confusion,
hostility and mistrust.
Communication can be open, honest
and well meaning, or it can be deceptive, manipulative and confusing. How
we communicate is influenced by our own personal needs in interpersonal relations
and by our perceptions of certain situations.
If we are to improve our communication
and relationship skills, and reduce stress, we need to be consistent in what
we say and do in regard to other people.
Listening carefully to and being
interested in what the other person has to say, while looking directly at
the other person, will build trust. If you direct your attention and positive
communication towards your partner and your partner reciprocates, then your
relationship will receive ongoing positive reinforcement.
Relationships are made up of an
infinite number of large and small things. Caring for your relationship is
like tending a garden or caring for your car. We must think of the others
needs without being asked and be prepared to do that bit extra when things
are not right.
Self directed attention and
communication, such as me-too behaviors, are non-supportive and eventually
destructive, for ourselves and our relationships.
Reduce the stress in your
relationship. Listen attentively, talk openly and honestly and above all,
be interested in what your partner is saying.
Maintaining Relationships and Improving
Self-esteem
All relationships require
maintenance.
Just as your car needs a regular
tune up and fresh oil to keep it running smoothly, so too does your relationships
with your spouse or loved one, family, friends and work companions.
How do you tune up your personal
relationships?
Firstly throw out the old oil
and let go of any critical or resentful thoughts that may have accumulated
over time. Stop blaming, judging or criticizing the other, (aloud or to yourself)
and focus on all the good and supportive aspects of the particular relationship.
When you always focus on the bad points, things seem to get worse and you
lose trust and confidence, in your relationships and in yourself. Flush those
negative thoughts down the drain and replace them with new and positive thoughts
of love and appreciation for your loved ones and you.
Give your relationships a new
spark by communicating your positive feelings toward them. You know how good
you feel when someone praises and appreciates you. Let your special friend
know just what they mean to you, how you rely on them for support and guidance,
how their friendship carries you forward each day. Show them the real you.
Don't hold back your inner feelings and let them in to share your
intimacy.
Almost every aspect of your life
involves relating to yourself or other people and is closely linked to your
self-esteem on a daily basis. When your relationships are running smoothly,
you tend to feel good and your self-esteem is high. When they are only running
on 2 cylinders, or sickly, your self-esteem is also low.
Close and intimate relationships
with others are natural and can give us great joy or great pain.
When your car is running sickly,
do you tune it up?
Accepting
Change
In nature, the only thing that
is permanent is that everything changes, therefore it is important to our
own happiness that we accept as a fact that "life is change."
When we refuse to accept change
as a fact we contribute to our own unhappiness, while the acceptance of change
can reduce anxiety and help us cope with the many problems of day-to-day
living.
Most people readily accept the
fact that a baby will grow through the stages of infancy, childhood, adulthood
and into old age, yet panic when things change in their personal relationships.
For example, a spouse's waning passion does not necessarily mean that the
romance is gone from the marriage and a divorce is immanent. It may only
signal a part of a cycle that will transform the union to a higher level,
based on commitment and love, instead of passion and romance.
All things on Earth are subject
to change and lack the ability to remain the same. So it is with our personal
relationships. By learning to accept the changes that are occurring, just
as we accept natures changing seasons, we can grow and develop as individuals
and reach our full potential as human beings.
Author:
John.Hodgkin
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